It's funny how life just...happens. I met Johny on a winter day in January. I remember it being cold. I remember this only because we were at a yoga class and, when I saw him walk in I was a bit wary of taking off my NAU hoodie and expose my tight fitting tank top in his presence.
It's funny how life just...happens. I went to Vegas to celebrate the famous Moquie Day. Johny was in Yoga class, thinking of me. I remember being slightly intrigued when the "match-maker" told me Johny had asked about me.
It's funny how life just...happens. Because, it just so happened that I was in dire need of a haircut, and my normal stylist was out of commission due to a surgery. I remember thinking to myself...who can I call? And then I walked into Yoga and there he was, Johny.
It's funny how life just...happens. We went from strangers, to a breakfast date at Joe's in no time flat. I remember sitting across from him at that window booth, thinking to myself- "I hope he's diggin' me as much as I am him." After breakfast we went to yoga. After class ended, I got my first Johny hug.
It's funny how life just...happens. I learned quickly what a sly fox this Johny could be when he sent me flowers...to Yoga class. I remember seeing her walk in with a beautiful bouquet, slightly jealous. Then she informed me they were in fact, for me. That was the first time I felt the Johny butterflies.
It's funny how life just...happens. I was a little caught of guard when a woman I did not know tapped on my car window and told me to come inside with her, no need to wait for him outside! I went from being just me to..."JohnyD's new girlfriend" in about 10 seconds. Talk about a shocker! I remember sitting at the long table during that Eagle Scout ceremony with 2 thoughts racing through my brain: 1. I wish he'd put his arm around me. And, 2. For some reason, this family, this Johny, THIS feels right.
It's funny how life just...happens. The next few days, possibly weeks, are a bit of a blur. I remember it being a mix of emotions. But the one thing that stands out the most is the first Johny kiss. Exactly what I always thought it should be. Perfect.
It's funny how love just...happens. I am a bit apprehensive to say that I knew I loved him from the moment we met. But I definitely remember the first time I realized it. I was in Phoenix. I was with family and friends. He called. We talked. I decided I had been neglectful of my company long enough and decided to cut our conversation short. As we started to say our "talk to you later's" I remember a slight slip of the tongue. I DID catch myself and refrained from saying it. When I got home the next day I said for the first time: "I love you, Johny".
It's funny how love just...happens. We talked about marriage. Sure, it had only been about a month but I will be the first to say, "When you know, you know." And we knew. I remember going to look at rings. Raul, our diamond expert, told me he could tell that were the real deal. I tried on about 7 different settings. I had my heart set, and my Johny, he knew.
It's funny how love just...happens. We spent the weekend doing a lot of driving. Globe to Flagstaff to Phoenix and Home again. We met with friends and family both. Johny did some of his sly work with the help of my sly family. I remember standing in my kitchen. Johny wrapped his arms around me from behind like he often times does. I closed my eyes like I often times do when I feel so safe. When I opened them, my hearts content was staring right back at me. My ring. I said yes, and then we went to McDonald's.
It's funny how life just...happens. Sometimes I feel like I am in a dream, and then I wake up and realize I am living my dream. Everything I have ever wanted is right here. Right now. There is a lot that needs to happen over these next few months. I know times won't always be a walk in the park. But as I am writing this, I look over and see him, my Johny, and I know I am at home.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
It's Hard to Explain.
Never did I think that it would happen, could happen, the way that it did. Just like everyone told me it would. Completely out of the blue. When I least expected it. Right when I had finally given up. It is hard to put into words how it all came about. It is nearly impossible to describe how, one day you are...just you. And, the next thing you know, you are completely incomplete without someone else.
Never did I think that something like this could truly exist. At least not for me. I wasn't deserving of something so extremely magnificent and real. It was to be read about. Dreamed about. Desired. But never to be held in my grasp. It is hard to explain how at times, you come to think that you don't need it. You don't even want it. And the next thing you know, you are so terrified of losing it.
Never did I think that he would be so absolutely fitting for me. No need to mold or shape or change. The piece of the puzzle that I've have been hunting for for days and days. And suddenly,there it is right before my eyes. The perfect "ah-ha" moment that makes the painstaking hours all worthwhile. It is hard to explain how you can spot that piece and know, without a doubt, that it's the one you have been searching for. And, the next thing you know, you set it in place, amongst all the others and suddenly...the picture is complete.
Never did I think that a piece of paper towel could mean so much. Something that can be torn, soaked, and tossed has become a highly valued commodity within my house, within my heart. It is hard to explain how this manufactured good could possibly hold such favor. But it does...And the next thing you know, you realize you need to buy more.
Never did I think I'd be able to share a life with someone. Always a lone wolf. Miss Independent. Too stubborn to change my ways. Unwilling to explain them to anyone else. It is hard to explain the exact moment when you realize, "We could make a new life, together". And the next thing you know, you embark on a brand new journey...and you aren't alone.
Never did I think. And it's so hard to explain. And the next thing you know...you just did.
Never did I think that something like this could truly exist. At least not for me. I wasn't deserving of something so extremely magnificent and real. It was to be read about. Dreamed about. Desired. But never to be held in my grasp. It is hard to explain how at times, you come to think that you don't need it. You don't even want it. And the next thing you know, you are so terrified of losing it.
Never did I think that he would be so absolutely fitting for me. No need to mold or shape or change. The piece of the puzzle that I've have been hunting for for days and days. And suddenly,there it is right before my eyes. The perfect "ah-ha" moment that makes the painstaking hours all worthwhile. It is hard to explain how you can spot that piece and know, without a doubt, that it's the one you have been searching for. And, the next thing you know, you set it in place, amongst all the others and suddenly...the picture is complete.
Never did I think that a piece of paper towel could mean so much. Something that can be torn, soaked, and tossed has become a highly valued commodity within my house, within my heart. It is hard to explain how this manufactured good could possibly hold such favor. But it does...And the next thing you know, you realize you need to buy more.
Never did I think I'd be able to share a life with someone. Always a lone wolf. Miss Independent. Too stubborn to change my ways. Unwilling to explain them to anyone else. It is hard to explain the exact moment when you realize, "We could make a new life, together". And the next thing you know, you embark on a brand new journey...and you aren't alone.
Never did I think. And it's so hard to explain. And the next thing you know...you just did.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Everybody Needs a Mandi
For those who don't know, yesterday, I celebrated being 6 years cancer free. Wow. I could take the time to talk about that experience, how it changed me. How it made me appreciate life...yeah. I could do that. And it would probably make for an inspiring read. But, that's not what I'm going to do. Because yesterday, something was brought to my attention. Something far more important, far more moving than my own story.
This is a story about a brave girl. The year is 2005. Picture this girl. 16 years old, the world at her fingers tips. Her finger tips grasping onto the last bit of hope she can muster. Her best friend is beside her asleep. Sleeping, in a hospital bed on the cancer floor of a local children's hospital. She's been asleep for hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Her best friend is dying of a disease that even the smartest and most experienced of doctors don't know how to treat. The outcome is grim. The bad days outnumber the good.
This brave girl, 16 years old...she has her own life to live. A boyfriend. A hobby. A family. All of which she has selflessly put aside. Her own life, full of air and health and dreams, that life was breathed into the life of the one who was getting ready to let go. She witnessed the bad, the ugly, and the unbearable first hand, and she did it with the strength of 1000 soldiers. Chemotherapy, surgeries, epiderals, bad news, worse news, fainting, sleeping, ICU. Anywhere the bald one was, the brave one could be found; sitting silently, waiting patiently.
16 years old...16.
People often tell me how "strong" I am. How "brave" I am. What they don't know is that if I could have had it my way...I'd have given up. I would have just as soon rolled over, closed my eyes, and willed myself to remain that way forever and ever. What they don't know is that if the brave one hadn't been by my side every time I rolled over to drift off...I wouldn't be here today.
This brave girl...she is my best friend. This story...it's hers. And it's true. She saved my life. She will never admit it, I'm not sure she even believes it to be true. That's why I'm telling it. And the part that gets me the most is that this is all I can tell. I have no recollection of those days. Just hazy snapshots and vague memories. She remembers it all. She can recite days, moments, exact times. And although I feel terrible that she had to experience it the way she did I know she doesn't care and she wouldn't take it back. And while I know I can never ever be the friend to her that she has been to me, even though I will spend the rest of my life trying...I know I don't have to. She didn't do it for any sort of recognition. She did it because she made a choice to fight for someone she loved who couldn't fight for themselves. And for that...I am eternally grateful.
Sometimes friendship means putting your life on hold. Sometimes it means that you have to give up your wants, your needs, your hopes and your dreams in order to help someone else. It's not easy. And it doesn't happen all the time. We, as a human race, are selfish. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes we have to be. We have to protect ourselves. But there may come a time when you might realize that someone else needs you more. They need you more than the air that they breathe. And when that time comes you have to make a choice. You have to decide if you can be that selfless strength and hope for someone other than you. This decision is not to be taken lightly. Because once you decide, there is no turning back. Someone's life may depend on it.
This is a story about a brave girl. The year is 2005. Picture this girl. 16 years old, the world at her fingers tips. Her finger tips grasping onto the last bit of hope she can muster. Her best friend is beside her asleep. Sleeping, in a hospital bed on the cancer floor of a local children's hospital. She's been asleep for hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Her best friend is dying of a disease that even the smartest and most experienced of doctors don't know how to treat. The outcome is grim. The bad days outnumber the good.
This brave girl, 16 years old...she has her own life to live. A boyfriend. A hobby. A family. All of which she has selflessly put aside. Her own life, full of air and health and dreams, that life was breathed into the life of the one who was getting ready to let go. She witnessed the bad, the ugly, and the unbearable first hand, and she did it with the strength of 1000 soldiers. Chemotherapy, surgeries, epiderals, bad news, worse news, fainting, sleeping, ICU. Anywhere the bald one was, the brave one could be found; sitting silently, waiting patiently.
16 years old...16.
People often tell me how "strong" I am. How "brave" I am. What they don't know is that if I could have had it my way...I'd have given up. I would have just as soon rolled over, closed my eyes, and willed myself to remain that way forever and ever. What they don't know is that if the brave one hadn't been by my side every time I rolled over to drift off...I wouldn't be here today.
This brave girl...she is my best friend. This story...it's hers. And it's true. She saved my life. She will never admit it, I'm not sure she even believes it to be true. That's why I'm telling it. And the part that gets me the most is that this is all I can tell. I have no recollection of those days. Just hazy snapshots and vague memories. She remembers it all. She can recite days, moments, exact times. And although I feel terrible that she had to experience it the way she did I know she doesn't care and she wouldn't take it back. And while I know I can never ever be the friend to her that she has been to me, even though I will spend the rest of my life trying...I know I don't have to. She didn't do it for any sort of recognition. She did it because she made a choice to fight for someone she loved who couldn't fight for themselves. And for that...I am eternally grateful.
Sometimes friendship means putting your life on hold. Sometimes it means that you have to give up your wants, your needs, your hopes and your dreams in order to help someone else. It's not easy. And it doesn't happen all the time. We, as a human race, are selfish. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes we have to be. We have to protect ourselves. But there may come a time when you might realize that someone else needs you more. They need you more than the air that they breathe. And when that time comes you have to make a choice. You have to decide if you can be that selfless strength and hope for someone other than you. This decision is not to be taken lightly. Because once you decide, there is no turning back. Someone's life may depend on it.
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Year, New Me
Hello 2012,
Welcome to my life. My name is Moquie and I'm pleased to have you around. I don't normally introduce myself to you "years" in such a manner. Normally, you bound in and I ask that you bring good things to me over the next 365 days and then I sit and wait for those "great things" to just magically appear.
Well, things have changed. I have changed.
This year, my dear 2012... I'm taking charge. This is MY life, you are here to help me live it. For the first time ever I'm going to tell you how it's going to be and what will happen over the course of the next twelve months.
During our time together I will complete my first year of teaching. I will begin my Masters degree. I will kick my soda addiction (this is already a done deal). I will run or participate in some sort of exercise activity every day. I will obtain a new job, move, and settle in one place for awhile. I will read my scriptures every night. I will strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I will better myself and work on increasing my self confidence.
These are things I know for certain and are not subject to change. Surprises and curve balls will be welcomed with open arms and an open mind.
Basically, YOU are the year for ME. I'm going to be selfish and make you mine. We have a lot of work to do...let's get started!
Confidently yours,
Mo
Welcome to my life. My name is Moquie and I'm pleased to have you around. I don't normally introduce myself to you "years" in such a manner. Normally, you bound in and I ask that you bring good things to me over the next 365 days and then I sit and wait for those "great things" to just magically appear.
Well, things have changed. I have changed.
This year, my dear 2012... I'm taking charge. This is MY life, you are here to help me live it. For the first time ever I'm going to tell you how it's going to be and what will happen over the course of the next twelve months.
During our time together I will complete my first year of teaching. I will begin my Masters degree. I will kick my soda addiction (this is already a done deal). I will run or participate in some sort of exercise activity every day. I will obtain a new job, move, and settle in one place for awhile. I will read my scriptures every night. I will strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I will better myself and work on increasing my self confidence.
These are things I know for certain and are not subject to change. Surprises and curve balls will be welcomed with open arms and an open mind.
Basically, YOU are the year for ME. I'm going to be selfish and make you mine. We have a lot of work to do...let's get started!
Confidently yours,
Mo
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