2011 in Retrospect

This has been quite a year for me. My life has changed in numerous ways. I have changed in numerous ways. There is much to speak of in relation to this whirlwind of year so...Let's begin at the beginning, and work our way to the end!

January- The Month of New Beginnings.

Talk about starting this year of with a bang. I must have had some sort of intuition, knowing that I needed to make it worthwhile.This was the first January in 4 years that I did not join the NAU Dance Team at Disneyworld for the UDA National Competition. Instead, I holed up in my apartment, studied for the AEPA, and began what will forever be remembered as the "BEST/worst student-teaching experience" of my life. It was also in this month that I actually took the dreaded AEPA. During one of those sleep deprived nights of studying, I reached out to a friend that had been gone, but definitely not forgotten. The act was reciprocated and so began the rebuilding of a bridge that had been burned straight to the ground. And as it goes with all things good...there is also the bad. My compadre of Ewing's Sarcoma, one of the strongest people I will ever know, was handed his ticket for round 2 of the battle. Andre began the process again from scratch with more faith, and courage, and strength than ever before.

February- The Month of Anticipation.

AEPA test results recieved...PASS and PASS! Whoo hoo!! Moquie is Cancer free for 5 years!

March- The Month of the Home Stretch! 

Student Teaching has consumed my life, so I pick up a part time job...because I am so smart...Ok really, I made the decision to stay in Flagstaff for one more, what I hoped to be, AMAZING summer. I applied for a Supervisor position at what had been my place of work for the past 2 years. And...low and behold...I got it! Yay me! Erika Ruesch. Recreation Supervisor. Forest Highlands Golf Club.

April- The Month of Paperwork and Internet Searches. 

So long student teaching...hello real world. Graduation Applications...Job Applications....Phone Interviews...MORE job applications...Laveen? Where is Laveen? And why do I want to be there SO badly...? Laveen Laveen Laveen!!!

May- The Month of Announcements. 

Graduation in a tent. GRADUATION IN A TENT!!! Heck yeah! NAU ALUM! Birthday! Meeting with the other builder of the bridge. Loss of a local legend, loss of a dear friend. RIP Joe. Dad has...cancer? 

June- The Month of Denial. 

Job interview in Globe to be close to Dad-shoot me. Job offer in Globe-shoot me. Accept job in Globe-shoot me. Dad has cancer. Throw myself into my work...love my job. Work, work, work. Missing Flagstaff already and not even gone yet. Time spent between bridge builders...much progress being made. Trip to Lake Powell-healing wounds for family.

July- The Feelin' Good Month.  

Work. Work. Work. LOVE MY JOB. Love Flagstaff. Procrastinating packing. Bridge almost complete. Happiness. It's official...Miss Ruesch-4th Grade!!!

August- The Month of Ups and Downs. 

Goodbye Flagstaff, the place I've called home for 4 years. Hello Globe, the home I ran from 4 years ago. Dad starts radiation. Missing Flagstaff. Missing the bridge builder.Moquie buys a car! Welcome to the world Clara Clarkson!!! Falling in love with 27 4th graders. Feeling lonely. Bought a horse, I mean a dog. Named him Max. Bridge completion postponed...indefinitely. Heartbreak. 

September- The Month of the Angels. 

Angel 1-Full time teacher, part time DANCE teacher? Yes please. Angel 2-"So where do you want to work? Laveen? Oh, my son works there..." Angel 3-Enter son-stage right.

October- The Month of Taking Chances. 

Parent/Teacher Conferences-who wouldn't want to be at work from 6am-8pm? Fall Break..."You know what would be really fun? Disneyland..." Graduate school? Graduate school together? AEPA revisited.

November- The Month of Giving Thanks. 

Thankful for a job. Thankful for family. Thankful for friends. Thankful for second chances. Thankful for the realization that not all bridges are meant to be mended, there is a reason they fell the first time. Thankful for the gift of dance. Thankful for curve balls in life that lead you to places you didn't want to be, but NEED to be in order to get where you are going. Thankful for Max. Thankful for special people who come into life at just the right time. Thankful for health.

December- The Month of Miracles. 

Miracle 1-Moquie enjoys running?! Miracle 2- Moquie stops drinking soda. Miracle 3- Moquie survived first semester as a real life teacher. Miracle 4- Dad is...cancer free! Christmastime. Family. Friends. Happiness. Everything falling into place. Everything feeling just right.

Life goes by so fast. TOO fast. Relfecting back on this year, there is so much that I have left out. But in all, these are the most important events that have shaped me into the person who is saddling up for 2012. This year has been terrible in so many aspects. I mean, absolutely unbearable at times. I left a place a loved to return to a place I despise. My close friend and my father both got served a nice plate of  "Cancer a la cuisine". I lost my best friend for not the 2nd, not the 3rd, but the 4th and final time. Yeah. It sucked. But man, thank goodness for the good things in life. Like, welcoming a new life into the world, into our family. Like, having a job that I absolutely love. Like, meeting new people who have changed my life for the better in countless ways. Like, doctors and medicines that make diseases go away. 

Reading these words...I realize now what it all means. Life, as we know it, is a plan.It might not be the plan WE had intended for ourselves. Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us. And if we can just put our faith in him, even in times of anger, doubt, sorrow...he will pull through with that silver lining that makes it all worthwhile. Wow. 

On that note, See ya later 2011! It's been real, it's been fun. 2012, Here I come!!!

Man Over Board!!

I told my little ones on the first day of school, "We are going to be together, in this tiny little space, for a long time. We need to learn how to work together...like a family, like a team." They know that if one person gets in trouble in Library they are all going to have to suffer the consequences. In our class, we celebrate each others achievements, and show compassion in times of struggle. We do not scoff, criticize, or poke fun at the ideas of another comrade. Instead we discuss, compare, and analyze the similarities and differences between our thoughts as a whole and use our results as a way of demonstrating that not everyone has to think the same way.

The transformation of 26 independent students becoming 26 independent students, working together as 1 to achieve a common goal...now that is truly a sight to behold. And just yesterday, I witnessed it first hand. 

Multiplication at age 9/10. Yikes. Multiplication can be hard at any age. Heck, I still count on my fingers. And you either get it right away, or you struggle. There really is no shade of gray. During our multiplication drill today I asked a student what 9 x 7 was. Blank stare. Wait for it. Wait for it. (insert cricket noise). Nothing. Now, being that this was a drill I began to move on to the next person (bad teacher moment on my part). But, before I could fully address the same question to the new student, another brilliant mind interrupted, "Miss Ruesch, wait. Shouldn't we help him?" To which another replied, "Yeah, Man Overboard!" And suddenly, an upheaval of 4th grade cries! "No one gets left behind!" and "Pull him to shore!" My goodness. They were right. So, I asked for some suggestions as to how we might help our shipmate! One student suggested using counters. Another drew an array. And still another stood front and center to demonstrate the "never fails" finger trick. No one gave him the answer. No one laughed in his face. The buoy was tossed out by one, and was pulled in by the hands of 25. Amazing. 

I say this often, but more so now than ever before does it ring true. I might be the one with the college degree and the certificate. But these kids, they teach me something every single day.

'Tis the Season

It's that time of year. 

You catch yourself singing along to the tunes that are familiar between all generations while walking down aisle 7 of the grocery store.

Boxes (and boxes and boxes-if you are in my family) of glistening adornments are pulled from storage. Each one nestling treasures that spark the fire that warms your heart.

Homes become cozy cottages, even in the driest of deserts.

Families join together to participate in the annual holiday traditions. 

Pine trees made of synthetics sprout from living room floors, surrounded by love; love wrapped in especially picked paper and topped with the perfect bow.

I would consider myself to one of the biggest fans of Christmas. I love everything about it. I look forward to it each and every year. I love that my family comes together and exchanges gifts. Not for the purpose of receiving them, but to see how much thought and love was put into picking out that "perfect present". My family might not be good at a lot of things as a whole, but we are great gift givers. Spending hours upon hours, days upon days, starting the day after the last Christmas has passed-to find that perfect "ah-ha!" treasure for each and every person. As I reflect back on Christmas's of old...I have started making a list of some of the gifts exchanged between my family that will never be forgotten. 

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Grandpa's Arctic Cat- "For me? For me?"-To: Grandpa From: Family Delivered By: Nick and Joe
2.Patrick's Coin Collection, taped onto a piece of paper- To: Mo From: Patrick
3. Mimi's Gun- To: Joe From: Mimi (The year Joe got 1 present!)
4.  Silver Dollars and 50 Cent Pieces- To: Kim, Robin, Tina From: Ray
5. Kieren's Smelly Cat- To: Kieren From: Aunt T and Kimmy
6. Gorilla Glue "It will change your life","What is it? Viagra?"- To: Papa From: Joe and Nick
7. Fish Christmas Tree Ornament- To: Court From: Mo
8. 4 wheeler- To: Tina and Robin From: Mom and Dad
9. Bulging Box of her own clothes- To: Mo From: Kieren
10. Games for a Wii, before the Wii was given- To: Nick From: Mimi and Papa
11. Special Delivery Christmas- To: Patrick; Hand Delivered to Cali By: Mimi and Papa
12. Chopped Veggie Containers- To: Jess From: Mom
13. Jase's 1st Gun- To: Jase From: Papa
14. Red Ryder BB Gun- To: Main From: Gerine and Ray
15. John Wayne Gun- To: ML From: M
16. Past, Present, Future Ring- To: Gerine From: Ray
17. Baby (horse)- To: Nick From: Mom and Dad
18. Nikon Camera- To: Mac From: Mimi, Papa, Mom and Dad
19. The year of the Christmas Puppies: To: Mo, Kieren, Joe, Nick, Patrick and Mac From: All the Parents
20. Grandpa Gall's quote on "Country" Magazine- To: Mimi From: Anonymous...

 I know that a lot of you who read this won't get the sentimental value behind the vague descriptions, but I hope you can walk away with a feeling of love and giving for this, the holiday season.

And to my Amazing Family; truth be told, the best Christmas gift I have ever received was the year I got to spend it with you, and not in some smelly hospital room. I will never forget the day the doctors said I could be home for Christmas. I love you all so much and I know that I don't tell you that often enough.

Love,
Mo

The Warriors

Cancer. 

It lives inside of you. Literally and figuratively. Even after it is gone. No one can know quite exactly what it is like to be a victim of such a vicious and unjust predator unless they have experienced it themselves. The hardest part? These tiny cells that are trying to kill you, have been kept in safe harbor by you. You are the one who has been nurturing them, allowing them to grow until the time arises for them to strike. 

Shock. Fear. Anger. Acceptance. Hope. Hopelessness. Courage. Faith. Strength.

I speak from not only the perspective of a cancer victim but as a daughter of a cancer victim, and a best friend of a cancer victim. But let me drop a line or two about this word "victim". I hate this word and I will tell you why. "Victim" to me, implies that the individual affected by this incident has not recovered. To me, it implies that the assailant won. And let me tell you something else. Each and every person that I know, alive or passed on to the wonderful world that awaits us, has recovered and was NOT defeated. 

This disease can do a lot of horrid things to an individual, this is true. It can cause a beautiful, young girl with long and flowing dark brown hair to evolve into what she would consider herself to be viewed as hideous. Limbs that we all take for granted can disappear in the blink of an eye. Brilliant minds that have yet to grow and develop are dissected and turned into laboratory specimens. The very essence of a man or woman's physical identity can be lost forever. These individuals go to war, and they are the wreckage.

But let me tell you what is not and never can be lost, dissected, radiated, poisoned...

Bravery.Love.Spirit.Beauty.Integrity.Soul. Faith.Laughter.Hope.

So you see, these individuals that are faced with this adveristy living within their beings...they are not victims.

These individuals-they are Warriors. 

Life's Little Lessons

1. Family is the core of it all.
2. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.
3. Life doesn't play fair, but it's not about the cards you were dealt. It's about how you play the hand you were given.
4. Nothing is black and white.
5. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
6. You will never be able to please everyone, so do what makes YOU happy.
7. Everyone deserves a second chance.
8. It's a lot harder to get back into shape than it is to get out of it. Stay Healthy.
9. Crying is a worthless emotion, but we are human and it's what we do.
10. Life is precious. In the blink of an eye, your whole world can collapse around you.
11. Count your blessings.
12. Music soothes the soul.
13. Writer's write. So if you want to be a writer, write. The same can be said for anything you do.
14. Be sPoNtAnEoUs.
15. Say what is on your mind before the moment passes you by.
16. Be kind.
17. Tell the ones you love that you love them.
18. Pay your bills on time.
19. Be the friend you wish others would be to you.
20. Learn from the mistakes of your past and use them to build a better future.
21. Don't try to compare your life to anyone else. You have no idea what they have been through.
22. Never count your eggs before they hatch.
23. It's ok to ask for help now and then.
24. Ignorance is bliss.
25. Maturity and Age have no relation.
26. Everyone makes mistakes.
27. Pay attention to detail.
28. "Hurry up and wait" is a much better strategy than, "hang around and rush!"
29. Give 100% in everything you do.
30. Get up. Dress up. Show up.
31. Believe in miracles.
32. Don't ever let someone else dictate your happiness.
33. Love conquers all.
34. A true friend loves you even when you can't love them back.
35. Words are cheap unless followed by an action.
36. Don't make promises you can't keep.
37. Own a pet and experience companionship on a completely different level.
38. Sleep is overrated.
39. Laughter is one of God's greatest gifts.
40. Fight for what you want. That way, you can always say you tried.
41. Be thankful.
42. Holding grudges and seeking revenge will take you down a road that is hard to find your way back from.
43. Believe in yourself and your ability.
44. Write "Thank You" notes.
45. It's ok to be angry with God. He-more than anyone else-will understand.
46. Have faith in that which cannot be seen.
47. Love strong.
48. Gaze at the stars to become grounded again.
49.Make someone else's day.
50. Admit when you are wrong.
51. TO BE CONTINUED...

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

When I was ten years old I decided I was going to run away from home, this is where I came. Only ten steps from my back door but still far enough away. Sweet escape and safe haven from the disasters of life, this rooftop refuge served as so much more than home base when we played tag. With days gone by, this rooftop was witness to the bittersweet, the sorrows and the triumphs of childhood expeditions. Sitting on the shingles of this white shed behind my parents place, I remember the first soft summer rays of sun as they fell around me, when I first discovered this spot of mine.

When hopscotch and hide-and-seek no longer held our interest we used what was left of our strength to climb the stucco wall, reach the water tank, and finally lift ourselves to the top. Our eyes would scan the desert horizon, imaging the treasures that lay just over the next ridge and beyond. Eventually, seeking treasures we would never find gave way to gazes rising from the earth to the heaves; but, still dreaming, I'd find the answers to my questions among the astronomers' famous figures in the night sky. The stars tonight tell me of the time they saw me last.

The taste of artificial fruit flavoring in a frozen delight suring summer is definitely a contrast to the warm kiss that tastes of spearmint gum and Carmex. Lips stained red from cherry popsicles somewhat resemble those gingerly painted with Cover Girl lip gloss. this rooftop sanctuary brought butterflies when I experienced waht was thought to be true loves first kiss. 

When I spoke out loud, I knew no one heard me but Him and He was all that mattered. I used to wonder if he heard me, even when no one else did. My being here today is proof to me that the prayers I sent up on those faith-filled nights were heard by someone. On other nights, I wasn't able to speak to anyone but the friend beside me. Then, it was up to me to do the listening. Advice given, and advice taken, with all the words exchanged, created the person that is sitting her today.

One wouldn't say that shingles make for the best place to lay your head, but I am not quite as comfortable anywhere else. When I look up with intentions to reminisce, or dream, there is no place I'd rather be. As distance has grown between my place of refuge and I, so does my will to return. it was my place to grow, to discover, and it was my place to pray. It is my place to think, to dream and to always remember. Today, I remember yesterday here atop my shed, and tomorrow I will remember today.

Maximus vs. The Tail

He is a brave and noble warrior. Only slightly off-put by the viciously terrifying black kitten that roams the back yard. Nothing is too big to jump on to. No puddle to deep to wade. It seems as though nothing can stop Sir Maximus in his quest for the great golden bowl of never-ending puppy chow. That was until he encountered...The Tail. Now, keep in mind, this is no ordinary tail. For this tail, this tail is like a silent serpent that sneaks up on a pup when he is least expecting it. And the worst part of it all? At any moment this silent killer can creep up and nab you right under your nose! What more can one do than try to destroy the beast?! ATTACK! 

The tail always wins...

Fears and Certainties

I am terrified of....

bee stings.

swimming pools.

the big "C"-cancer.

the possibility of not being able to have children.

letting people down.

letting myself down.

not achieving my dreams.

dating.

hurricanes.

losing those close to me.

what the future holds for me. 

I am confident in...

my family's love for me.

my Heavenly Father's love for me.

my ability to achieve my dreams.

knowing he is out there somewhere.

the Plan of Salvation.

my career decision.

myself.

Realization Wednesday

It started out as any other Wednesday. I woke up  before the sun and took my usual 15 minute shower. Another 15 minutes and Gerine was knocking on the door. We talked over breakfast and then she went on her merry way. Another 15 minutes later...I was out the door myself. On this particular morning though, I let my mind wander during my drive up to my new found "home away from home", my job. I began to think about the beauty of the morning. Very few people are out and about. The sun is just rising, sometimes simultaneously with the setting of the moon. The air is crisp and fresh. When I reached the summit on which my little elementary school rests...my breath was literally taken away. This little podunk town is quite picturesque.

I walked in to my place of work, signed my name, checked my box, made some copies, and headed for my room. As I made the trek to the "far side", my mind began to take its little journey again. It finally hit me folks...I'm a teacher. A real life teacher. I went from being a single college student to a still single college grad, to an even more single career woman with 26 children. Wow.

There are definitely those days where I feel like asking my boss, "why did you hire me? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I"M DOING!!!" But as I get to know my co-workers, the veterans- I have come to understand that I will never have it just right. This profession is ever-changing, and I love it. Anyways, I digress...
 
So, I was walking along and I realized that I have done it. I have reached an extremely pivotal point in my life. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt a sense of pride in myself. I let that sink in a little bit. And then, I stood up a little straighter, held my head a little higher, and started my day.

*Now if only I could say that the rest of this epic Wednesday of Realization carried on with just as much spirit and "feel good" vibes....But no. I, Erika Monique Ruesch, experienced for the first time in my career...the projectile vomit  scenario. I won't go in to details in order to save myself (and you my wonderful readers) from having to re-live this experience. But let me just say...yikes. 

The last realization I had today was this: I am alone, with my Betta Fish, Charlie...whom I love dearly. When Charlie dies...I will be all alone. And someday I will say..."I never got married, but I did have a fish once." -This one was for you Mimi! (And no, I'm not serious.)

Second Star to the Right, and Straight on Til Morning

Peter Pan always has been and always will be my favorite story/movie of all time. I love the plot-the idea that maybe, we don't have to grow up. I have a lot of friends that live by a similar rule of thumb. "Big Kids". And truthfully, they seem happy. But,there is something to be said about growing up. I have officially reached that stage in life; the point where you are no longer a child, a teen, a reckless college student.

In the past 3 months I have: graduated college, attained a full time teaching position after one interview, worked 60+ hours 6 days a week all summer, saved almost all of the money earned from said summer job, bought a new car on my own, moved in to my own place...alone, and began working as a full time, 4th grade teacher. And while my pocket book is suffering, my house is hot and most of the time, very lonely, and teaching has taken over my life...I have never been happier. 

For the first time in my life I am doing things by my rules, and for me. My home might be hot, but its mine. And I love it. I even love the pink shower tiles. My car might have cost me most of my savings, but its safe and it's all my own. My career may be exhausting and causing me sever anxiety attacks-but at least I can say I have a job.

My intro into "grown-updom" has been pretty fantastic so far. Of course, for those nights we need to forget about car payments, strange and indistinguishable house noises, and jobs that seems all but impossible at times...All it takes is a happy thought to get to Never Neverland.

I'm back!!!

Back by popular demand...and with a fresh new look! This will hopefully be a way for me to:

1. Keep my sanity while living in Globe.
2. Let out my feelings of happiness...and frustration that accompanies the "first year teacher".
3. Allow my snooping family to stay even more updated on my personal life.
4. Stay grounded when everything else around me is whirling around.

But, until I get internet in my little 2 bedroom oasis that is a combination of "wannabe trendy" and "ocean side bungalow" I can't promise regular postings. Bear with me.

xo,
Mo