Home.

It's funny how life just...happens. I met Johny on a winter day in January. I remember it being cold. I remember this only because we were at a yoga class and, when I saw him walk in I was a bit wary of taking off my NAU hoodie and expose my tight fitting tank top in his presence.

It's funny how life just...happens. I went to Vegas to celebrate the famous Moquie Day. Johny was in Yoga class, thinking of me. I remember being slightly intrigued when the "match-maker" told me Johny had asked about me.

It's funny how life just...happens. Because, it just so happened that I was in dire need of a haircut, and my normal stylist was out of commission due to a surgery. I remember thinking to myself...who can I call? And then I walked into Yoga and there he was, Johny.

It's funny how life just...happens. We went from strangers, to a breakfast date at Joe's in no time flat. I remember sitting across from him at that window booth, thinking to myself- "I hope he's diggin' me as much as I am him." After breakfast we went to yoga. After class ended, I got my first Johny hug.

It's funny how life just...happens. I learned quickly what a sly fox this Johny could be when he sent me flowers...to Yoga class. I remember seeing her walk in with a beautiful bouquet, slightly jealous. Then she informed me they were in fact, for me. That was the first time I felt the Johny butterflies.

It's funny how life just...happens. I was a little caught of guard when a woman I did not know tapped on my car window and told me to come inside with her, no need to wait for him outside! I went from being just me to..."JohnyD's new girlfriend" in about 10 seconds. Talk about a shocker! I remember sitting at the long table during that Eagle Scout ceremony with 2 thoughts racing through my brain: 1. I wish he'd put his arm around me. And, 2. For some reason, this family, this Johny, THIS feels right.

It's funny how life just...happens. The next few days, possibly weeks, are a bit of a blur. I remember it being a mix of emotions. But the one thing that stands out the most is the first Johny kiss. Exactly what I always thought it should be. Perfect.

It's funny how love just...happens. I am a bit apprehensive to say that I knew I loved him from the moment we met. But I definitely remember the first time I realized it. I was in Phoenix. I was with family and friends. He called. We talked. I decided I had been neglectful of my company long enough and decided to cut our conversation short. As we started to say our "talk to you later's" I remember a slight slip of the tongue. I DID catch myself and refrained from saying it. When I got home the next day I said for the first time: "I love you, Johny".

It's funny how love just...happens. We talked about marriage. Sure, it had only been about a month but I will be the first to say, "When you know, you know." And we knew. I remember going to look at rings. Raul, our diamond expert, told me he could tell that were the real deal. I tried on about 7 different settings. I had my heart set, and my Johny, he knew.

It's funny how love just...happens. We spent the weekend doing a lot of driving. Globe to Flagstaff to Phoenix and Home again. We met with friends and family both. Johny did some of his sly work with the help of my sly family. I remember standing in my kitchen. Johny wrapped his arms around me from behind like he often times does. I closed my eyes like I often times do when I feel so safe. When I opened them, my hearts content was staring right back at me. My ring. I said yes, and then we went to McDonald's.

It's funny how life just...happens. Sometimes I feel like I am in a dream, and then I wake up and realize I am living my dream. Everything I have ever wanted is right here. Right now. There is a lot that needs to happen over these next few months. I know times won't always be a walk in the park. But as I am writing this, I look over and see him, my Johny, and I know I am at home.

It's Hard to Explain.

Never did I think that it would happen, could happen, the way that it did. Just like everyone told me it would. Completely out of the blue. When I least expected it. Right when I had finally given up. It is hard to put into words how it all came about. It is nearly impossible to describe how, one day you are...just you. And, the next thing you know, you are completely incomplete without someone else.

Never did I think that something like this could truly exist. At least not for me. I wasn't deserving of something so extremely magnificent and real. It was to be read about. Dreamed about. Desired. But never to be held in my grasp. It is hard to explain how at times, you come to think that you don't need it. You don't even want it. And the next thing you know, you are so terrified of losing it.

Never did I think that he would be so absolutely fitting for me. No need to mold or shape or change. The piece of the puzzle that I've have been hunting for for days and days. And suddenly,there it is right before my eyes. The perfect "ah-ha" moment that makes the painstaking hours all worthwhile. It is hard to explain how you can spot that piece and know, without a doubt, that it's the one you have been searching for. And, the next thing you know, you set it in place, amongst all the others and suddenly...the picture is complete.

Never did I think that a piece of paper towel could mean so much. Something that can be torn, soaked, and tossed has become a highly valued commodity within my house, within my heart. It is hard to explain how this manufactured good could possibly hold such favor. But it does...And the next thing you know, you realize you need to buy more.

Never did I think I'd be able to share a life with someone. Always a lone wolf. Miss Independent. Too stubborn to change my ways. Unwilling to explain them to anyone else. It is hard to explain the exact moment when you realize, "We could make a new life, together". And the next thing you know, you embark on a brand new journey...and you aren't alone.

Never did I think. And it's so hard to explain. And the next thing you know...you just did.

Everybody Needs a Mandi

For those who don't know, yesterday, I celebrated being 6 years cancer free. Wow. I could take the time to talk about that experience, how it changed me. How it made me appreciate life...yeah. I could do that. And it would probably make for an inspiring read. But, that's not what I'm going to do. Because yesterday, something was brought to my attention. Something far more important, far more moving than my own story.

This is a story about a brave girl. The year is 2005. Picture this girl. 16 years old, the world at her fingers tips. Her finger tips grasping onto the last bit of hope she can muster. Her best friend is beside her asleep. Sleeping, in a hospital bed on the cancer floor of a local children's hospital. She's been asleep for hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Her best friend is dying of a disease that even the smartest and most experienced of doctors don't know how to treat. The outcome is grim. The bad days outnumber the good.

This brave girl, 16 years old...she has her own life to live. A boyfriend. A hobby. A family. All of which she has selflessly put aside. Her own life, full of air and health and dreams, that life was breathed into the life of the one who was getting ready to let go. She witnessed the bad, the ugly, and the unbearable first hand, and she did it with the strength of 1000 soldiers. Chemotherapy, surgeries, epiderals, bad news, worse news, fainting, sleeping, ICU. Anywhere the bald one was, the brave one could be found; sitting silently, waiting patiently.

16 years old...16.

People often tell me how "strong" I am. How "brave" I am. What they don't know is that if I could have had it my way...I'd have given up. I would have just as soon rolled over, closed my eyes, and willed myself to remain that way forever and ever. What they don't know is that if the brave one hadn't been by my side every time I rolled over to drift off...I wouldn't be here today.

This brave girl...she is my best friend. This story...it's hers. And it's true. She saved my life. She will never admit it, I'm not sure she even believes it to be true. That's why I'm telling it. And the part that gets me the most is that this is all I can tell. I have no recollection of those days. Just hazy snapshots and vague memories. She remembers it all. She can recite days, moments, exact times. And although I feel terrible that she had to experience it the way she did I know she doesn't care and she wouldn't take it back. And while I know I can never ever be the friend to her that she has been to me, even though I will spend the rest of my life trying...I know I don't have to. She didn't do it for any sort of recognition. She did it because she made a choice to fight for someone she loved who couldn't fight for themselves. And for that...I am eternally grateful.

Sometimes friendship means putting your life on hold. Sometimes it means that you have to give up your wants, your needs, your hopes and your dreams in order to help someone else. It's not easy. And it doesn't happen all the time. We, as a human race, are selfish. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes we have to be. We have to protect ourselves. But there may come a time when you might realize that someone else needs you more. They need you more than the air that they breathe. And when that time comes you have to make a choice. You have to decide if you can be that selfless strength and hope for someone other than you. This decision is not to be taken lightly. Because once you decide, there is no turning back. Someone's life may depend on it.

New Year, New Me

Hello 2012,

Welcome to my life. My name is Moquie and I'm pleased to have you around. I don't normally introduce myself to you "years" in such a manner. Normally, you bound in and I ask that you bring good things to me over the next 365 days and then I sit and wait for those "great things" to just magically appear.

Well, things have changed. I have changed.

This year, my dear 2012... I'm taking charge. This is MY life, you are here to help me live it. For the first time ever I'm going to tell you how it's going to be and what will happen over the course of the next twelve months.

During our time together I will complete my first year of teaching. I will begin my Masters degree. I will kick my soda addiction (this is already a done deal). I will run or participate in some sort of exercise activity every day. I will obtain a new job, move, and settle in one place for awhile. I will read my scriptures every night. I will strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I will better myself and work on increasing my self confidence.

These are things I know for certain and are not subject to change. Surprises and curve balls will be welcomed with open arms and an open mind.

Basically, YOU are the year for ME. I'm going to be selfish and make you mine. We have a lot of work to do...let's get started!

Confidently yours,
Mo

2011 in Retrospect

This has been quite a year for me. My life has changed in numerous ways. I have changed in numerous ways. There is much to speak of in relation to this whirlwind of year so...Let's begin at the beginning, and work our way to the end!

January- The Month of New Beginnings.

Talk about starting this year of with a bang. I must have had some sort of intuition, knowing that I needed to make it worthwhile.This was the first January in 4 years that I did not join the NAU Dance Team at Disneyworld for the UDA National Competition. Instead, I holed up in my apartment, studied for the AEPA, and began what will forever be remembered as the "BEST/worst student-teaching experience" of my life. It was also in this month that I actually took the dreaded AEPA. During one of those sleep deprived nights of studying, I reached out to a friend that had been gone, but definitely not forgotten. The act was reciprocated and so began the rebuilding of a bridge that had been burned straight to the ground. And as it goes with all things good...there is also the bad. My compadre of Ewing's Sarcoma, one of the strongest people I will ever know, was handed his ticket for round 2 of the battle. Andre began the process again from scratch with more faith, and courage, and strength than ever before.

February- The Month of Anticipation.

AEPA test results recieved...PASS and PASS! Whoo hoo!! Moquie is Cancer free for 5 years!

March- The Month of the Home Stretch! 

Student Teaching has consumed my life, so I pick up a part time job...because I am so smart...Ok really, I made the decision to stay in Flagstaff for one more, what I hoped to be, AMAZING summer. I applied for a Supervisor position at what had been my place of work for the past 2 years. And...low and behold...I got it! Yay me! Erika Ruesch. Recreation Supervisor. Forest Highlands Golf Club.

April- The Month of Paperwork and Internet Searches. 

So long student teaching...hello real world. Graduation Applications...Job Applications....Phone Interviews...MORE job applications...Laveen? Where is Laveen? And why do I want to be there SO badly...? Laveen Laveen Laveen!!!

May- The Month of Announcements. 

Graduation in a tent. GRADUATION IN A TENT!!! Heck yeah! NAU ALUM! Birthday! Meeting with the other builder of the bridge. Loss of a local legend, loss of a dear friend. RIP Joe. Dad has...cancer? 

June- The Month of Denial. 

Job interview in Globe to be close to Dad-shoot me. Job offer in Globe-shoot me. Accept job in Globe-shoot me. Dad has cancer. Throw myself into my work...love my job. Work, work, work. Missing Flagstaff already and not even gone yet. Time spent between bridge builders...much progress being made. Trip to Lake Powell-healing wounds for family.

July- The Feelin' Good Month.  

Work. Work. Work. LOVE MY JOB. Love Flagstaff. Procrastinating packing. Bridge almost complete. Happiness. It's official...Miss Ruesch-4th Grade!!!

August- The Month of Ups and Downs. 

Goodbye Flagstaff, the place I've called home for 4 years. Hello Globe, the home I ran from 4 years ago. Dad starts radiation. Missing Flagstaff. Missing the bridge builder.Moquie buys a car! Welcome to the world Clara Clarkson!!! Falling in love with 27 4th graders. Feeling lonely. Bought a horse, I mean a dog. Named him Max. Bridge completion postponed...indefinitely. Heartbreak. 

September- The Month of the Angels. 

Angel 1-Full time teacher, part time DANCE teacher? Yes please. Angel 2-"So where do you want to work? Laveen? Oh, my son works there..." Angel 3-Enter son-stage right.

October- The Month of Taking Chances. 

Parent/Teacher Conferences-who wouldn't want to be at work from 6am-8pm? Fall Break..."You know what would be really fun? Disneyland..." Graduate school? Graduate school together? AEPA revisited.

November- The Month of Giving Thanks. 

Thankful for a job. Thankful for family. Thankful for friends. Thankful for second chances. Thankful for the realization that not all bridges are meant to be mended, there is a reason they fell the first time. Thankful for the gift of dance. Thankful for curve balls in life that lead you to places you didn't want to be, but NEED to be in order to get where you are going. Thankful for Max. Thankful for special people who come into life at just the right time. Thankful for health.

December- The Month of Miracles. 

Miracle 1-Moquie enjoys running?! Miracle 2- Moquie stops drinking soda. Miracle 3- Moquie survived first semester as a real life teacher. Miracle 4- Dad is...cancer free! Christmastime. Family. Friends. Happiness. Everything falling into place. Everything feeling just right.

Life goes by so fast. TOO fast. Relfecting back on this year, there is so much that I have left out. But in all, these are the most important events that have shaped me into the person who is saddling up for 2012. This year has been terrible in so many aspects. I mean, absolutely unbearable at times. I left a place a loved to return to a place I despise. My close friend and my father both got served a nice plate of  "Cancer a la cuisine". I lost my best friend for not the 2nd, not the 3rd, but the 4th and final time. Yeah. It sucked. But man, thank goodness for the good things in life. Like, welcoming a new life into the world, into our family. Like, having a job that I absolutely love. Like, meeting new people who have changed my life for the better in countless ways. Like, doctors and medicines that make diseases go away. 

Reading these words...I realize now what it all means. Life, as we know it, is a plan.It might not be the plan WE had intended for ourselves. Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of us. And if we can just put our faith in him, even in times of anger, doubt, sorrow...he will pull through with that silver lining that makes it all worthwhile. Wow. 

On that note, See ya later 2011! It's been real, it's been fun. 2012, Here I come!!!

Man Over Board!!

I told my little ones on the first day of school, "We are going to be together, in this tiny little space, for a long time. We need to learn how to work together...like a family, like a team." They know that if one person gets in trouble in Library they are all going to have to suffer the consequences. In our class, we celebrate each others achievements, and show compassion in times of struggle. We do not scoff, criticize, or poke fun at the ideas of another comrade. Instead we discuss, compare, and analyze the similarities and differences between our thoughts as a whole and use our results as a way of demonstrating that not everyone has to think the same way.

The transformation of 26 independent students becoming 26 independent students, working together as 1 to achieve a common goal...now that is truly a sight to behold. And just yesterday, I witnessed it first hand. 

Multiplication at age 9/10. Yikes. Multiplication can be hard at any age. Heck, I still count on my fingers. And you either get it right away, or you struggle. There really is no shade of gray. During our multiplication drill today I asked a student what 9 x 7 was. Blank stare. Wait for it. Wait for it. (insert cricket noise). Nothing. Now, being that this was a drill I began to move on to the next person (bad teacher moment on my part). But, before I could fully address the same question to the new student, another brilliant mind interrupted, "Miss Ruesch, wait. Shouldn't we help him?" To which another replied, "Yeah, Man Overboard!" And suddenly, an upheaval of 4th grade cries! "No one gets left behind!" and "Pull him to shore!" My goodness. They were right. So, I asked for some suggestions as to how we might help our shipmate! One student suggested using counters. Another drew an array. And still another stood front and center to demonstrate the "never fails" finger trick. No one gave him the answer. No one laughed in his face. The buoy was tossed out by one, and was pulled in by the hands of 25. Amazing. 

I say this often, but more so now than ever before does it ring true. I might be the one with the college degree and the certificate. But these kids, they teach me something every single day.

'Tis the Season

It's that time of year. 

You catch yourself singing along to the tunes that are familiar between all generations while walking down aisle 7 of the grocery store.

Boxes (and boxes and boxes-if you are in my family) of glistening adornments are pulled from storage. Each one nestling treasures that spark the fire that warms your heart.

Homes become cozy cottages, even in the driest of deserts.

Families join together to participate in the annual holiday traditions. 

Pine trees made of synthetics sprout from living room floors, surrounded by love; love wrapped in especially picked paper and topped with the perfect bow.

I would consider myself to one of the biggest fans of Christmas. I love everything about it. I look forward to it each and every year. I love that my family comes together and exchanges gifts. Not for the purpose of receiving them, but to see how much thought and love was put into picking out that "perfect present". My family might not be good at a lot of things as a whole, but we are great gift givers. Spending hours upon hours, days upon days, starting the day after the last Christmas has passed-to find that perfect "ah-ha!" treasure for each and every person. As I reflect back on Christmas's of old...I have started making a list of some of the gifts exchanged between my family that will never be forgotten. 

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Grandpa's Arctic Cat- "For me? For me?"-To: Grandpa From: Family Delivered By: Nick and Joe
2.Patrick's Coin Collection, taped onto a piece of paper- To: Mo From: Patrick
3. Mimi's Gun- To: Joe From: Mimi (The year Joe got 1 present!)
4.  Silver Dollars and 50 Cent Pieces- To: Kim, Robin, Tina From: Ray
5. Kieren's Smelly Cat- To: Kieren From: Aunt T and Kimmy
6. Gorilla Glue "It will change your life","What is it? Viagra?"- To: Papa From: Joe and Nick
7. Fish Christmas Tree Ornament- To: Court From: Mo
8. 4 wheeler- To: Tina and Robin From: Mom and Dad
9. Bulging Box of her own clothes- To: Mo From: Kieren
10. Games for a Wii, before the Wii was given- To: Nick From: Mimi and Papa
11. Special Delivery Christmas- To: Patrick; Hand Delivered to Cali By: Mimi and Papa
12. Chopped Veggie Containers- To: Jess From: Mom
13. Jase's 1st Gun- To: Jase From: Papa
14. Red Ryder BB Gun- To: Main From: Gerine and Ray
15. John Wayne Gun- To: ML From: M
16. Past, Present, Future Ring- To: Gerine From: Ray
17. Baby (horse)- To: Nick From: Mom and Dad
18. Nikon Camera- To: Mac From: Mimi, Papa, Mom and Dad
19. The year of the Christmas Puppies: To: Mo, Kieren, Joe, Nick, Patrick and Mac From: All the Parents
20. Grandpa Gall's quote on "Country" Magazine- To: Mimi From: Anonymous...

 I know that a lot of you who read this won't get the sentimental value behind the vague descriptions, but I hope you can walk away with a feeling of love and giving for this, the holiday season.

And to my Amazing Family; truth be told, the best Christmas gift I have ever received was the year I got to spend it with you, and not in some smelly hospital room. I will never forget the day the doctors said I could be home for Christmas. I love you all so much and I know that I don't tell you that often enough.

Love,
Mo